Well I woke up this morning, I rolled out of bed
I felt like a dog who's been kicked in a head
Checked out my mail, there was letter that read
Love for sale, love for sale

I picked up the phone, I called everyone I could
I let my fingers do the walking through the telephone book
You can't catch a fish if you ain't got the hook
Love for sale, love for sale

Send up a signal, throw me a line
Somebody explain "This funny Valentine"
It might not be legal, but it sure ain't a crime
I'm one step from crazy and two steps behind

I called Lt. Columbo from my TV set
I've tried the Dating game -- I haven't found her yet
I'm hoping that she's looking like a Penthouse Pet
Love for sale, love for sale

We've been living together 3 years, 2 hours, 20 minutes, maybe four hundred beers
You can't shop for love when you're shopping at Sears
Love for sale, love for sale

I guess I've learnt my lesson
It was easy to see
My old lady she played this joke on me
I never looked where I forgot it would be
Love for sale, love for sale